.png)
My husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary on New Year’s Eve. This is a big deal for a couple of reasons; #1) Both of us had been married twice before—no children-- and this marriage is each of our “personal best’s” in terms of longevity… evidently, the third time really is a charm! And #2) We met on Match.com not long after the site launched. The big deal here is that I lived in NYC, he lived in Sydney, Australia, and it was the last day of each of our 10-day free trials.
Shortly before I went on Match––something I had previously sworn I would never do––I had the realization that it wasn’t a relationship I was looking for, rather someone I could relate to. This seemingly small shift in thinking turned out to be an epiphany. I felt awake, present, and completely responsible for my own destiny. For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted if I was ever to be in a serious relationship again.
I had the realization that it wasn’t a relationship I was looking for, rather someone I could relate to. This seemingly small shift in thinking turned out to be an epiphany.
Physical attraction had always been a prerequisite but having been in relationships in which handsome men became ugly to me because of their behavior, I now knew that I wanted to become attracted to someone based on who they were, not what they looked like. Match seemed like an interesting option to connect with someone in a different way and on a different level, so I decided to give the 10- day free trial a shot.
As a passionate traveler and psychic adventurer, I decided to leave my search open to the world, and even though Tom (my husband) had limited his to a 25-mile radius, somehow my profile popped up anyway, which he took as a sign that needed to be heeded. To this day I can remember how my monitor appeared to be vibrating with an other-worldly, neon-like light that seemed to say “read me, read me” when his email appeared in my inbox. And read I did!
Ironically, neither of us had attached photos to our profiles, so we began our relationship by getting to know each other through our writing. The fact that he lived 16,000 miles away was also incredibly liberating, in that I felt I had nothing to lose by completely being myself. Something I realized I hadn’t been doing in my previous relationships. I had been “behaving”, not being, and those days were over––if someone didn’t accept me for who I was, then they weren’t for me!
Tom and I were married in Sydney 4 months after we connected online. He moved to NYC a month later and that was 25 years ago. What I hope you’ll take away from this are some of the lessons I learned and continue to learn along the way:
Be open-minded and curious – never say never!
Be yourself, in your personal and professional life, and if people don’t accept you for who you are, f*ck ‘em!
Strive for authentic connection, it’s the foundation of lasting relationships
Rise in love, instead of falling, it can lead you on the adventure of a lifetime!