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Thank you to the readers of Thinking Differently With Lynn and everyone who has told me how much they enjoy reading about my experiences abroad. October is ADHD Awareness Month, so I would like to switch gears and get a bit more personal. While I don’t actively hide the fact that I have ADHD, I don’t necessarily speak openly about it either. But in the spirit of this year’s theme, #AwarenessIsKey, it is important to me to show you a side of ADHD you might not expect. Shame thrives in silence; the only way to break the stigma is to talk about it. So here goes…
All my life, everything just seemed so hard. From losing my keys to missing appointments, from bumping into and dropping things to all the scratches and dents on my car, I felt like I was always dealing with small frustrations and trying to avoid big disasters. Every interaction drained me, but I didn't know what to do with myself when I was alone. And that's just what was going on outside my body. Inside, I was buzzing with nervous energy, and my mind was racing a million miles a minute. There wasn't enough room in my brain to hold all the thoughts and ideas I was trying to sort through. It was exhausting just to get through the day.
I figured I was just different, that this was how it would be for the rest of my life. That is, until 3 years ago, when I learned it didn't have to be. At the suggestion of an insightful therapist, I sought out an ADHD specialist. I was skeptical; I was a forty-something woman with a husband and a successful career, not a little boy disrupting the classroom. But after watching me fidget nonstop while telling her my life story, she gave me the dreaded diagnosis. That was the moment everything changed. As we experimented with different treatments and I read everything I could get my hands on, I realized that this diagnosis was a gift. It told me that I wasn't broken, that there was a real neurological difference in my brain that caused my symptoms. I began seeing pieces of my past in a new light, and the future suddenly seemed less daunting. I also learned that ADHD doesn't just affect little boys. Women are being diagnosed in record numbers; it just took a while for the diagnostic criteria to catch up with us. There is more than one way to have ADHD, but you need to know what you are looking for to see it.
Understanding ADHD Symptoms in Adults
Looking back now, I wonder why nobody saw this in me sooner, but that question has an easy answer. Not only do myths and misconceptions about ADHD abound, even the name itself - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - is a misleading misnomer. It turns out that the challenge isn't with the amount of attention people with ADHD have; it is with our ability to allocate it and manage it effectively. This is due to having an interest-based brain. It can be extremely focused when presented with something interesting, rewarding, or emotionally salient. But when instead presented with something that is none of those things, it feels impossible to concentrate.*
Why ADHD Is Often Missed in Women
Then there is the H for hyperactivity. Added in 1987 by the American Psychological Association, this pesky letter made it even more likely that girls would slip through the diagnostic cracks. ADHD presents itself in three ways: the hyperactive-impulsive type (think those destructive little boys) and the inattentive type (easily distracted, difficulty concentrating). There is a third type, aptly named combination, where people experience a bit of both. Girls and women tend to have the inattentive type. Since that one doesn't match the stereotype, it is often missed. The presence of the H makes us think that hyperactivity must be present to be ADHD, but that is false. To make matters worse, people assume that all hyperactivity is externalized (again, think disruptive little boys), but that is also not true. As women, we tend to internalize our emotions. When hyperactivity is present, all the extra energy can be felt in the brain and body rather than being externalized through physical movement.
Living with ADHD: Challenges and Coping Strategies
You may be wondering how I can call an ADHD diagnosis a gift, so let me elaborate. The diagnosis explained so many traits I, and others, consider faults. This wasn't just in my head: It is estimated that by the age of 10, children with ADHD hear an average of 20,000 more negative or corrective comments than their neurotypical peers. This doesn’t stop in childhood; the negativity follows us into adulthood. No wonder I didn't believe in myself—it felt like nobody else did! Now I know that the traits and actions that were being ‘corrected’ were not caused by character flaws or moral failings; they are rooted in physiology. With this information, I could begin to stop blaming myself and start healing, as well as advocate for myself in the face of judgment. Furthermore, when we know the cause, we can begin to find the solution. Mine is still evolving, but I am learning to work with my brain, not against it, and I can go easier on myself when my ADHD rears its ugly head.
And ADHD is not all bad. The fact that our brains work differently than what is considered 'normal’ gives us strengths, too. Whereas neurotypical people tend towards convergent thinking (consolidating many pieces of information to find a single answer or solution), we lean towards divergent thinking (i.e., ‘out of the box’ thinking). We see patterns where others don't, making us creative, spontaneous, and natural problem solvers. It also makes us extremely empathetic and intuitive. These are strengths that I am proud of. Recognizing that these parts of me come from ADHD helps me embrace them even more because when stacked up against the challenges of ADHD, they didn’t come cheap. Understanding their neurological basis is empowering—the more I understand their roots, the more I can learn to capitalize on them.
To be clear, I am not calling having ADHD a gift; rather, knowing that I have ADHD is the gift.
To be clear, I am not calling having ADHD a gift; rather, knowing that I have ADHD is the gift. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been if my ADHD had been diagnosed earlier. I am still mourning the time, opportunities, and self-esteem lost along the way. It took more than 40 years, but better late than never.
*At this point, you may be thinking: aren't we all a little ADHD? We are easily distracted and more collectively anxious than ever before. The answer is a qualified no. Many people may express some symptoms of ADHD at some point in their lives. These are brought on by external factors—smartphones and technology are decimating our attention span, there is uncertainty about the future of the world and our planet, etc. ADHD is the result of a neurological difference. The symptoms are not simply inconvenient—they have a significant impact on our lives and are potentially debilitating or destructive.
If any of this resonates with you, please reach out to me at lynn@zwibak.com.
For more information on why ADHD is missed in girls, read more on the Cedars Sinai Blog.