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As I wept my way through the holidays, I kept reminding myself that, although it severely sucks, grief is good…I can learn from it.
It’s been about a year and a half since my husband, Tom, passed away and my grief continues to be as powerful and unpredictable as ever. Although I must admit that loving him is well worth the pain of losing him…and that gives me strength. And while friends, family and colleagues are supportive,
I do not want to be that person who wears her grief like a badge…so I often don’t discuss it in depth, save for when I check in with a trusted medical advisor who tells me that she is blown away by how well I am handling everything…even though it often doesn’t feel that way.
Historically, grief is such an uncomfortable topic that, up until recently, it rarely gets spoken about in any kind of real way…ironic, given that it is something we will all experience in our lifetimes. And because I have found so little comfort in the clinical and impersonal information that’s out there—most of which pisses me off-I have trusted my own sense of truth and direction to guide me, as I navigate my way through this shitstorm. But then again, that’s my M.O. anyway.
During this most recent rough patch, I wondered whether I needed grief counseling…but much to my surprise, relief came unexpectedly, as I searched Netflix for something bingeworthy to watch between Chrismukkah and New Years (BTW, our wedding anniversary is New Year’s Eve) and discovered Virgin River.
Addictive, relatable and surprisingly comforting, I knew I had found my support group, albeit later than most, with 6 seasons of Virgin River down and renewed for a 7th. When Doc Mullins (played by Tim Matheson) says, "Grief doesn't get lighter, you just get used to carrying the weight," I felt so understood, and was hooked! In under a week, I had watched all six seasons and came away feeling much less alone. Comfort can indeed come in surprising ways.
“Grief can feel so lonely but talking about it, and listening to others share their grief experiences helps,” reads the description of the podcast All There Is with Anderson Cooper that explores grief, loss, and how to live with both, in
moving and honest discussions with those who’ve experienced life-altering losses.
Storytelling and the sharing of experiences – whether personal or fictional (which is usually rooted in personal experience)-is a wonderful way to connect with our humanity.
“Storytelling is not just entertainment. It’s a fundamental part of being human. Stories let us share information in a way that creates an emotional connection. They help us to understand that information and each other, and it makes the information memorable,” the National Storytelling Network tells us. “Because stories create an emotional connection, we can gain a deeper understanding of other people’s experiences. That not only helps us to understand their lives, but it allows us to take the lessons they have learned and apply it to our own.”
So, should you find yourself feeling alone in your grief, please know there are voices out there that will resonate with you and bring you comfort…and I hope I have been one of them.