.png)
Occasionally, stories from other media outlets that we curate for our Round-Up readers inspire us to view a given topic through our own hertelier lens and put a different spin on it...much like last week’s politically themed, Hear That? Say This, a tool from Lean In that recommends what to say when you hear biased reactions to women candidates.
That got us thinking about comebacks to sexist or any other “ist” reactions to women in general. Which made me remember a comment made several years ago by a respected female colleague – an EVP, BTW—at a special executive committee meeting, convened in response to my reaction to an ugly sexist incident that occurred with one of my direct reports.
Everyone knew the “perp” to be a misogynistic, sexist @hole, but he was a hotel owner, and it was condescendingly suggested by my female colleague that I “Calm down. We’re in the hospitality industry and have to eat a lot of sh*t.” At which point, I lost mine!
“Why?!? Who made that rule and how is that OK?!” I shouted, together with a few choice expletives, then stormed out of the meeting and slammed the door. Not my finest moment, but I was not sorry. It was then that I realized, if I was going to speak-up, I needed to learn to respond, rather than react.
To be fair, I ate my share of sh*t back in the day because it was expected...but it never sat right, and soon became so intolerable that I didn't have the stomach to "eat it" any longer.
“Ordinary sexism is a recurring obstacle to the recognition and advancement of women in the workplace," recruiting organization, Ranstad, tells us. "It prevents women from advancing and being recognized for their work. Its presence is proof the gender gap has not closed.”
In their article, How to Stop Sexism in the Workplace? they provide some examples of what sexism can look like:
Inappropriate humour: It can be an injustice that hides under the pretext of humour (It was just a joke!). When sexist remarks are communicated in joke form, it works to decrease the likelihood of a confrontation.
Generational differences: A clash of generations or the “In my day...” rhetoric.
Marginalization: Inappropriate words, toxic attitudes, preconceived ideas, and actions that exclude, marginalize or harm women.
Belittlement: Unspoken or insidious gestures that destabilize, delegitimize, or devalue women's skills, or even belittle them by making them consciously or unconsciously inferior.
Mansplaining: Patronizing and condensing explanations or communications from men. The assumption is that women don’t understand a concept or situation.
Inappropriate comments: These can be comments about the body or physical and intellectual abilities
Misogyny: Misogynistic attitudes or thoughts suggest that equality between women and men is already here and that feminism is no longer relevant.
Biased questioning: Questions that lead back to gender and sex biases. Questing women’s decisions because they are women.
They also offer up some ways to react to and respond to ordinary sexism:
Ask the question, "What do you mean by this? Make the other person aware of the absurdity or awkwardness of their thinking (from the perspective of the victims of this sexism).
Not laughing at or ignoring the phrase, but rather acting and standing up for the victim (from the witness' perspective)
Implement strict policies regarding such comments and behaviours (Employer's Perspective)
Call out double standards. Speak with management about sexist policies and practices.
You are allowed to be offended. You don’t have to “take it”
And, for those situations when you don’t feel like being so polite, here are some snappy comebacks to sexist comments I found on Reddit…
“What an odd thing to say out loud” or “I’m surprised you feel comfortable saying that out loud at work.”
“You don’t know any women do you?“
“It really ages you when you say things like that.”
“Did you just say that intrusive thought out loud?”
“Would you say that to your sister/mom/grandma/daughter/wife?”
“How do you expect me to respond to that comment?”
“Your insecurities and misogyny are showing!”
We’d love to hear how YOU respond to sexist comments! So please share!